We’re an opinionated bunch here at KnowTechie. In fact, the only thing we enjoy more than expressing our own opinions is shooting each others’ down with vociferous, unrestrained vitriol. As such, we’ve decided to launch a new weekly series, the KnowTechie Roundtable, to do just that.
Join us every Friday to hear us dish dish, bish on our favorite topics in tech while hurling insults at one another but mostly Kevin.
So, we ask: What are some tech gifts you’d feel sorry to give and/or receive?
Josiah’s electric jerkoff machine OKAY GOTTA GOOOooooooo
Joe: Dammit, I was going to say that but at least I didn’t finish prematurely…
Jake: Well, nothing I say this week is going to top that. Good lord.
Jared, I was going to send you one of the unused ones. I’m not an animal.
As for tech gifts I’d feel sorry to give and/or receive? I sure would really hate if someone sent me a Peloton – I mean, I definitely don’t want a kickass exercise thing in my home, Kevin. Definitely wouldn’t want that. What a prank it would be if someone sent me a Peloton for my home. Whew, I would *hate* that.
Curtis: Who can afford to gift a fucking Peloton? Do you also give away cars with giant bows?
Oh man, a Peloton would be SOOO embarrassing to receive. Actually, come to think of it, since I grew up rather large, I would be mildly offended. But then again, it would probably get my ass in workout mode every morning…
Anyways, have you guys ever seen those C-level tablets at Rite Aid? The ones that are manufactured by companies you’ve never heard of outside of the aforementioned Rite Aid? Those are probably great for kids, no doubt, but for a hardcore techie? Yeah, that’s gonna be a no from me, dawg.
I would say a PlayStation Classic would be shameful, but since you can mod it, it’s actually a pretty cool gift now. Give the gift of modding!
I have no shame in my gift giving or receiving. First off, I don’t expect any gifts and anyone that would give me a tech gift doesn’t know enough about tech to find the one thing that would ruffle my feathers, which is nothing.
As far as gifting, I still wrap up VHS tapes and give them as gifts at white elephant parties. Everyone knows how inundated in the tech world I am, so they expect something awesome, like an 8TB gaming hard drive. They get VHS tapes. I feel no shame here. Gift giving at a particular time of year because of an asterisk on a calendar is stupid. If you care about someone, you’d give them a gift whenever you felt they are worthy of one.
That all being said, I guess this Autoblow A.I. that I don’t know what to do with would make a great gift. Josiah knows the struggle, as he has a pile of jack-off machines. It was for a review, and is fresh in the box. So yeah, I’m sorry my brother is going to get my sloppy tech seconds this year, considering this one particular item. I always send my review items to him (because ethics prevent me from selling them) and he gets some good stuff. This, this is going to make him fluster in place, and for that, I’m not sorry.
What was the question?
I can’t think of a thing I’d actually gift that I’d feel sorry about giving, I mean isn’t the point either knowing the recipient well enough to not feel sorry? It’s not like we’re gifting deodorant or mouthwash… Oh, I guess maybe if you were giving an electric toothbrush or something, which either says you’re a dentist or infinitely boring as a person (which is almost the same thing).
Same on the flip, almost anything I’d be fine with except sex toys that I’d have to open in front of my family (and is exactly why Curtis doesn’t have my address).
In my family, everyone is very specific about what they want, so nobody gives or gets gifts they feel bad about. I think I’d only feel bad about accidentally buying the exact same thing as someone else, because that is the worst.
Colin: It appears that ‘sex gifts’ are embarrassing, no doubt, but can we agree that they make great gag gifts?
Jake: Um, excuse me, terrible puns are my territory here.
‘Sex gifts’ are awesome gag gifts! The worst tech gifts are the ones given earnestly in my opinion. Like when you have a 4K monitor with Vsync and a high refresh rate and a loved one gifts you a much larger 60hz 1080p monitor. You have to use it, even though it isn’t as good as what you currently have.
You can’t say “hey, I appreciate it but this isn’t any good for my setup.” and then they visit enough that you’re kinda stuck with it. Then, just about any tech gift my kids give me. Listen, Five Below sells shit tech and my kids eat it up.
A while back while I was waiting in a checkout line at some department store I saw this Facebook gift card and thought to myself “wow, this has to be the shittiest thing someone could give to another human being.”
This was like two years ago. Turns out, THEY’RE STILL SELLING THEM! So yea, I still stand by this – this is literally the worst thing anyone could gift. I would rather receive a bag of blood and hair than a Facebook gift card.
Joe: BRB, going to the butchers to get Kev’s Christmas present…
Colin: Boy, that escalated quickly…
Alright, that about wraps things up for this week’s KnowTechie Roundtable. What do you think? Did we miss anything? If that’s the case, Let us know down in the comments or feel free to reach out to us personally. Seriously, whether it’s about Curtis, Colin, Jake, Josiah, Josh, Hayk, Joe, or Kevin – we want to hear from you.
What tech would you hate to get as a gift this holiday season? If you have any thoughts or suggestions, this is where you come in. Let us know down below in the comments or carry the discussion over to our Twitter or Facebook.